Kim K. and Kris- Short Marriage, Expensive Divorce


Almost everyone knows them…the Kardashians! Never a dull moment for this highly visible, dysfunctional family. The latest issue grabbing headlines: the divorce of Kim Kardashian from Brooklyn Nets forward Kris Humphries. An alleged O.J. Simpson affair. Co-parenting with Kanye West as she goes through her divorce. Lots to discuss. Tune in!



At first the birds are chirping.  The dogs are barking.  White picket fences.  Brand new Lamborghini’s.  Beach front  properties.  Love is in the air.  But, then comes lies, greed, and cheating, which turns a beautiful marriage into ugly, bloody, and expensive. We know that not all marriages have a happy ending, especially those of the rich and famous, athletes and celebrities.  That’s why we bring you Celebrity Divorce Gore, filling you in on all the divorces of the celebrities.  Welcome to Celebrity Divorce Gore.


Welcome to Celebrity Divorce Gore.  This is your host,Geoff Carter.  In this episode, we’re going to talk about one of the craziest divorces that, I mean, at least through my life’s end.  I know I’m only 30.  I’m not that old.  You know, in dog years I’m super old.  What’s that, like?  I don’t know I can’t figure it out.  OK, but it’s old.  It’s old enough, OK.  For all the divorces I have heard of or seen, this is pretty crazy.  And the reason why I say it’s pretty crazy is because the amount of time the wedding was technically together before filing for divorce.  That’s right, we’re talking about our local celebrities, or the celebrity everybody knows about.  Everybody follows their whole entire family.  The Kardashians.  There’s never a dull moment with this family, I swear.  All of them.  And there’s tons of them, it seems like.  You know, with Khloe, Kourtney, obviously Kim, and then they have a couple other ones growing up right now.  And then, also, you know, with Kris Jenner and this alleged affair that she had with OJ Simpson.  Who knows if that’s fully true? But the time frame would have worked out though.  But that’s a whole other topic.  We’re not going to talk about Kris Jenner’s divorce.  We’re going to talk about the main lady, Kim Kardashian.


Of course, I want to give you some information.  But the first thing I want to give you first, for people who don’t know who Kris Humphries is, because, myself, I do follow sports.  I follow basketball a decent amount.  I’m not saying Kris Humphries is horrible, but he’s not that big of a deal. He really wasn’t.  I don’t know.  He still isn’t that big.  He’s decent.  Let me see if I can find you what he’s averaging a game or something like that.  It’s really not much.   2004 to 2006, he played for Utah Jazz.  He played for the Toronto raptors from ’06 to ’09.  Dallas Mavericks from 2009 to 2010.  Currently he plays for New Jersey, or otherwise known as Brooklyn.  That’s who it’s part owned by, the rapper Jay-Z.  Now, Humphries, yeah he, you know, he was the 14th overall draft pick.  He spent a couple seasons with the Jazz.  He averaged three to 6 points per game.  That’s all he was averaging in, you know, his first year.  But, you know, eventually, I don’t know, he got 3.1 rebounds per game and almost 500 on field goal percentage, which is pretty good.  I’m not going to lie.  But other than that, he’s not really a huge player at all.  I mean, average.  Especially with the amount of money that he was going to get into trying to marry that lady?  Man, come on.  That ring was ginormous.  It’s huge.  It’s bigger than my big toe, I think.  And I have a big big toe.  You’ve never seen it, and no, you probably never want to see it. That’s probably too much information.  But anyway, it’s a big rock.  That’s basically what I’m trying tell you.


I don’t know what else to really say about this guy.  Humphries was born in Minnesota to Debra and William Humphries.  His father was a football player for the University of Minnesota.  Humphries is part African American, which I did not know.  He doesn’t look like it at all. He has more of a Caucasian look.  He has two older sisters.  His first interest in sports came in competitive swimming.  See, there you go, I’m learning something new again.  He was a top ten-year-old in the nation in six events, second only to a young Michael Phelps in the remaining events.  Oh, that guy.  Chris Humphries still holds the US national record for 15 meter free style for ten and under boys.  There you go.  I just learned something.  At age 12 he gave up swimming to pursue a promising career in basketball. At age 12. You gave up a career at age 12?  What was I doing at age 12? I was playing with Lincoln Logs and GI Joes and lighting off black cats in my front yard.  Humphries attended Hopkins High School where he enjoyed an impressive basketball career.  In 2002 he led the team to a 25 and two record.  That’s their first Minnesota State Championship in over 49 years.  He was named 2003 xx All American and named Second Team All USA by USA Today.  He was also named the Super 25 Basketball Team by USA Today, named Minnesota Mr. Basketball, and State Player of the Year by Minneapolis Star Tribune.  And in college basketball news, he was one of 10 finalists in 2003, and Nate Smith Prep Player of the Year averaging a double double in his final three seasons averaging 25 7.  So that’s 25.7 points per game and 11.4 rebounds and five point assists.  That’s pretty good in college.  I’m not going to lie.  That’s very good.


Coming out of high school, Humphries accepted a scholarship offered to Duke University but later reconsidered and attended the University of Minnesota.  So, those are some things about his basketball career as in college, you know. That’s some great things.  But, let’s switch over our interests over to the main person, that makes this person a celebrity, you know, the main person.  Kim Kardashian.  Her name is searched on Google nine million times per month.  That’s a lot of keyboards looking for Kim Kardashian.  She got married in 2000 to Damon Thomas.  See, I didn’t even know that.  I haven’t heard of that one.  I’ve heard about other stuff about her but I have not heard about the Damon Thomas marriage at all.  She was divorced in 2004.  She was only 19 at the time of being married.  She was the third contestant sent home during the 2008 season of ABC’s Dancing with the Stars. She earns 12 million dollars a year, which, if you can figure that out, is a million dollars a month, or 50,000 a day she makes, just for being Kim Kardashian.  In 2009 she released a workout DVD called “Fit in Your Jeans by Friday.” She has a cupcake mix called Va-Va-Vanilla.  She had her 14th birthday party at Michael Jackson’s Neverland Ranch.


So, from there on, she was already being involved with big things.  She was involved in the Give a Damn campaign, an organization that brings awareness to the discrimination against gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender community.  Oh, what a nice lady she is.  Guests at her wedding included Justin Beiber, Will and Jada Pinket Smith, and Jennifer Lopez.  She has a jewelry line at the store BB.  Another thing I was also noticing last night, when I was doing some research on her, is that she blow dries her jewelry because she doesn’t want it too cold when she wears it.  She turns on her blow dryer and blow dries her jewelry so that way her skin isn’t too cold.  High maintenance. [coughs] Excuse me.  Let’s talk about their wedding real quick.  Their wedding was not the cheapest thing in the world, at least to me.  Her ring was… the rock I was mentioning, bigger than my big toe, her ring is 20.5 carats.  20.5 carats.  I can’t even eat that many carats with ranch dip. 20.5 carats.  That’s a lot of carats.  That’s a $2 million ring.  But supposedly the rumor has it that Chris Humphries did get a hefty discount.  If we know that for sure, I guess we never will.


Her Vera Wang design wedding dress, plus two other dresses worth the total of 60,000, were given free of charge.  Must be nice to be a Kardashian.  The 20,000 black and white cake- 20,000 dollars for a cake by the way, that’s a car for me, you guessed it.  Free from Harrison bakery.  It was free.  They spent together $2 million on flowers alone, these two.  $2 million.  So, all together, the Kim Kardashian wedding, the Kim and Chris wedding, was $20 million.  Let’s talk about the duration of their wedding.  This is why it’s a big deal for the Kim Kardashian and Chris Humphries story.  Like I said, people don’t even know who that guy is, unless you follow basketball. And the reason why it was such a big deal was the fact that it was 72 million dollars and they got paid all this money to get married in the first place.  That’s why he’s filed all these lawsuits saying that [he] got married for the money or for a scam.  The filming of the titanic lasted 160 days. That’s 88 days longer than Kim Kardashian’s marriage.  By the way, did you know the Titanic set was said it was so intense and horrible that an angry crew member laced everyone’s clam chowder with PCP?  50 people were sent to the hospital, and Bill Paxton felt listless for two weeks afterwards.  James Cameron managed to vomit before the drug could take to hold, much to the [inaudible 00:08:58] of the members, I’m sure.


Lindsay Lohan has spent more time in various rehab centers than Kim has been a married woman.  The timeline for her stays in rehab go something like in 2007 Lindsay entered Wonderland and completed a 30 day program. A few months later she received a DUI after chasing her assistant’s mother through Santa Monica and entered Promises rehab for 45 days.  Or wait, maybe she chased her assistants mother the third time she went to rehab.  Anyway, shortly after she left Promises, she received another DUI and went to rehab for the third time for two months at Circuit Lounge in Utah.  So, just to refresh your memory here, Lohan has been in rehab three times in less than a year.  So, then, Lindsay entered a court mandated rehab at UCLA and stayed for 24 days. Shortly after that, she was ordered back into rehab for three months at Betty Ford Center.  Add all that up and Lindsay Lohan has spent approximately 249 days in rehab.  That’s almost a year of her life since 2007.  That’s three and a half Kim Kardashian and Chris Humphries marriages.


Another crazy fact about time is Elizabeth Smart went missing for nine months, nearly four times the length of Kim and Chris’s marriage.  That means Elizabeth Smart survived being in captivity with psycho, sexual abusers longer than Kim stayed married to Chris.   That’s nuts.  Trudie Styler and Sting are famous practitioners of tantric sex.  It’s reported that they have had orgasms that have lasted longer than Kim Kardashian’s marriage.  If that’s true, I don’t know about that.  That’s a little extreme, I think. I don’t know.  In 1995 Mariah Carey and Boyz II Men’s song “One Sweet Day” spent 16 weeks at number 1 on the Billboard Music Charts.  That’s almost double the time Kim Kardashian spent married to Chris Humphries.  72 not too sweet days.  Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil spent 216 weeks on the New York Times Best Seller List.  That’s a lot longer than 72 days.  Kourtney Kardashian’s son, Mason, was born December 14th, 2009 which makes him two years old.  Kim would have to get married eight times for 72 days each to match Mason’s age.  OJ’s murder trial lasted 248 days.  The Macarena… remember the Macarena? I remember that.  “Hey Macarena,” Macarena was the number one song 98 days on the charts.  That’s longer.  One season of American Idol was 119 days.  That’s more than their marriage.  Isn’t that crazy?  That’s just nuts to me that all that happened.  Man.


One thing that was kind of nuts was that even though it only lasted 72 days, it took a little over two years for  the divorce to be finally over with and done.  And, of course, she wants it done now because she just automatically fell in love.  How many times does a person fall in love?  I’m just guessing.  Within like a three-year period how many people has she been in love with?  I swear.  But she’s now currently in love with Kanye West, kid together and all that. Awe.  They knew each other for a long time, supposedly.  I don’t know.  You know, as a celebrity, how do you really know when these people even care about you? I guess it’s just you have so much time and money, it’s like, well why not?  Why not enjoy your money with somebody?  I just, you know, like the ones we’ve talked about before, like Michael Jordan.  That’s $168 million you’re giving up, that he gave up to be married.  But, that was a 17-year one, not 72 days.  Because Humphries, I don’t know.  I watched a lot of YouTube videos on him and even including his mom.  They were dodging questions, so it doesn’t seem like he’s really trying to dash at her too bad.


But, the one that he does, though, is that they’re trying to do… Humphries was trying to seek an annulment, because allegedly, their lavish wedding was a sham staged on a reality TV show, Keeping Up with the Kardashians.  He feels that it is.  A lot of people do.  I remember that was all over the place in all the magazines and everything like that.  It’s just, man, that whole story is crazy.  We’ll see what will happen next with Kanye West.  What’s going to happen?  Are they going to get married or not?  I guess, you know, Humphries learned his lesson, you know.  When you marry someone like that, when you get a 20.5 carat diamond ring. Man, like I said, I just like eating a bag of carrots.  I’m happy with that.  I’ll marry a girl over some carrots in my garden, let alone 20.5 carats.  Hey, the guy, like I said, it would be different if he was like a major basketball player, like a Jordan, or anybody, anybody bigger than that.  He was benched for a while. I know he’s a tall guy so he is starting, but, you know, averaging 3.5 points a game?  I’m sorry honey, but you can pay for a 20.5 carat diamond ring, bro.  But he learned his lesson with that, I’m pretty sure.  It looks like he’s really happy to be out of that whole family drama anyway.  Because there’s nothing slow or dead with the Kardashians.  If it’s not Kim, it’s Khloe, it’s Kourtney, it’s, you know, her mom.  There’s always something crazy going on.  They love that attention.  They love that materialistic attention.  Like I said, Kim makes $12 million a year off of just being Kim Kardashian, looking pretty and getting her butt pictures in all these magazines.  Must be nice, right?  Must be nice getting 12 million dollars a year.


But that was Celebrity Divorce Gore, focused on Kim Kardashian and Chris Humphries, one of the most, I guess, memorable divorces of all time, lasting only 72 days, which is crazy.  Even the Macarena outlasted.  The Macarena? Really?  Of all songs?  Outlasted that one?  Alright, we’ll tune in next time to the next Celebrity Divorce Gore.

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